By Miguel Sanchez
Reading Time: 2 min 44 sec
If you have listened to our podcasts, seen our Instagram or visited our website, you may ask yourself what are these Fruit Dudes trying to do? Also, what kind of made up name is “Miguel Sanchez”?
The Fruit Dudes are about what is excellent in fruit. Because there seems to be this incredible secret within the fruit industry, that very few people know. So because you were kind enough to read my blog post, I will tell you. Fruit that tastes good, it is easier to sell, worth more and results in repeat sales because people want to buy more of it. Revolutionary, I know.
I have marketed fresh produce for the past 20 years — exceptional fruit. The one thing they all have in common is a distinct difference between what is OK eating and what is outstanding eating.
OK = you eat one piece, and that is enough.
Exceptional = you want to eat the whole box.
So it drives me insane to see so much product sold, that is at best, mediocre. What is going on with the people eating this fruit?
Mum: “OK Dwayne, eat some fruit because it’s good for you and it is cheap to buy”
Dwayne: “But golly gee Mum, these apples taste like ass, and these grapes taste like something worse than ass”
Mum: “That’s because it’s good for you”
Dwayne: “Can I eat the cardboard box to get the taste of my mouth?”
These people are what we call “Fruit Morons” and there is an army of them out there. I feel great angst towards Fruit Morons, so much so. That if you, dear reader, were to come around to my house, to tell me you enjoy cheap, flavourless fruit. I can promise you one thing. They will never find you again. The police, your family, tracker dogs, they may search for you, but they will never see you again.
The reason for your sudden disappearance is two-fold. One, I don’t like people coming around to my house. I have got many things happening that don’t need any scrutiny. Two, if you don’t know how good fruit can be, you are lost to me.
All threats aside, Let me put this intelligently and articulately so that everyone can relate to when selecting fruit. You are at a Barn Dance. You’re wearing your favourite cardigan, and you have drunk a cask of wine — a typical Friday night for everyone. As you stagger across the dance floor, all of a sudden, there is Keanu Reeves. He wants to dance with you. Keanu looks good, smells like Brut 24 hour antiperspirant and is a more than adequate Barn Dancer. As you do-si-do the night way, you are thinking about going home with Keanu in his Honda Civic.
Then miraculously, Hugh Jackman arrives. He has got his Porsche out the front. Wearing his Wolverine outfit (very revealing), and he is the king of barn dancing. Who are you going home with? The X-man? or Bill and Ted’s bogus adventure? Dang straight, your are picking Hugh Jackman. It’s no real decision. Did I mention Hugh had his shirt off at this Barn dance? That I hated all the Matrix movies?
So my question is. When you pick your fruit, who are you taking home? Hugh Jackman? Keanu Reeves?
So dear reader, I am at the end of the blog. Mainly because I have hit my allocated word requirement. However, you are no doubt thinking —
“Gee whiz Miguel, you called me a moron. Compared selecting fruit to a drunken barn dance. More than likely have a meth lab in your backyard and have an unhealthy fascination with Hugh Jackman. And worse still, have finished the blog without telling me how I am supposed to find and select all this fantastic eating fruit, which reeks of half
These are all significant points, that unless you have a search warrant and a swat team, I will not be answering right now…
I will reveal my secrets in my next blog called “See You in Hell, Fruit Morons.”